Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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