yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
