dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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