Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
