Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
