so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
