Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
