I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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