Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
