i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
