she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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