I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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