he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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