I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
