i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want to make out with him forever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
