so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
