Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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