totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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