Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
