you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
