i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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