I wish they made helmets for livers.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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