He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
