ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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