I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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