Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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