I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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