I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
