I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
