I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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