he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
