I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
