Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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