i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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