she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
