member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
