You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
