id be glad to
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
