I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
