i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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