I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
