I just gift wrapped bread.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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