apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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