why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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