I wish I could punch you in the face.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
