Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
