Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
