I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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