I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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