Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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