wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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