So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
