she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
