So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We just shotgunned beers for America
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
