I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
