I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
