I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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