I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
